Winter Wonderland
by emication
Summary: Crack!fic songfic.


Title: Winter Wonderland  
Author: Vinyl Koneko (Emily), roguegirl@att.net  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: shonen/shojo ai, self-insertion, voyuerism (yes...in a PG fic...), mild Relena bashing  
Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit, please.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I did...well...I'd probably end up getting sued violating some personal right granted by law. 'Course that wouldn't count if I jumped ship to another country *with* no laws, now would it? Hmm... Well, they aren't mine, so don't worry about it. Neither is this song, for that matter. I don't know who does own Winter Wonderland, but it sure as hell isn't me.  
Comments: I was in a strange mood. Needed something vaguely entertaining. This is what ensued forth. /Lyrics/ and *emphasis* and -=actions=- will be demonstrated accordingly. It might be extremely lame, actually, but ya know... I'm not good at being funny on purpose. ^_~  
  
*~**~*  
  
/Sleigh bells ring,  
are you listening?/  
  
Heero: -=listens=- What the *hell* is that tinkling sound?  
Emily: Sleigh bells, now shush.  
Wufei: Onna, we can't listen with you talking!  
Emily: -=gives Wu' an obscene gesture before leaving but can't say what she did because it's a PG fic=-  
Wufei: -=snort=- Good riddance. -=anvil falls out of hammerspace and conks Wufei out=-  
  
/In the lane,  
snow is glistening./  
  
Duo: -=scratches head=- Why's the snow only glistening in the lane? I are the streets, avenues, highways, circles, jug handles, alleys, freeways, and toll roads *not* good enough for glistening snow? Not to mention the parkways and the boardwalks...  
  
/A beautiful sight,  
we're happy tonight.  
Walking in a winter wonderland./  
  
Wufei: -=whispering and holding binoculars up to his eyes=- Maxwell, I can't believe you talked me into this.  
Duo: -=holding his own pair of binoculars=- Well, you're entertained, aren't you?  
Heero: Hn.  
Wufei: I doubt Trowa and Quatre would be happy if they knew we were watching them, well... -=starts to turn pink=- How can he *bend* that way! -=adjusts the focus=-  
Duo: -=giggles=- Look, I created a monster! -=returns back to look through the window=- Oh, man...ouch... Is that even anatomically possible?  
Heero: -=rolls eyes=- It isn't that difficult.  
Wufei: O.o  
Duo: Honto ni? -=seductively=- Then how about we go join them?  
Heero: -=deadpan=- I don't want to play Twister.  
  
/Gone away is the bluebird.  
Here to stay is a new bird./  
  
Duo: -=running with his hands over his ears=- What the fudgicles is that!?  
Heero: -=also running very quickly with his hands over his ears=- Just don't look back.  
Relena: HEEEEEEEEEEEE~ROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COME AND KIIIIIIIILL MEEEEEE!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEE~ROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Dorothy: Relena-sama, if you want to catch him, you need to go about things the right way. -=reaches into hammerspace and pulls out a gigantic net more commonly used for fishing tuna=-  
Heero: -=caught in the net=- Mission failed.  
Duo: -=also caught in the net=- Eep!  
Relena: -=eyes become big hearts=-  
Heero: -=closes his eyes and hopes for a quick and painless death=-  
  
/He sings a love song  
as we go along.  
Walking in a winter wonderland./  
  
Heero: -=braces for the worst of Relena's onslaughts=-  
Relena: -=still has big, pink, throbbing hearts for eyes=- Sugoi! -=glomps...Dorothy=-  
Duo: -=confused=- What the f*ck? HEY! Why isn't Relena molesting Heero? Why is she, uh, playing hockey of the tonsil variety with Dorothy instead? And why and I being f*cking bleaped for any expletive other than hell!  
  
/In the meadow we can build a snowman.  
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown./  
  
Hilde: -=building snowman=-  
Catherine: -=looks at it for a moment=- Does he look like Parson Brown to you?  
Hilde: ...  
Catherine: He *does*! Hello, Parson Brown, how are you feeling today? My you look a little pale...  
Hilde: -=thinking=- Who the hell is Parson Brown?  
  
/He'll say, "Are you married?"  
We'll say, "No man,  
but you can do the job  
when you're in town."/  
  
Snowman: Are you married?  
Everyone: -=blinkblink=-  
Snowman: All right, whoop-de-doo, I'm a friggin' talking snowman! Isn't that amazing! Now, somebody answer my d*mn question before I f*cking blow someone's sh*t-faced head off!  
Everyone: -=slowly backs away from the snowman=-  
Snowman: Hey, where are you going? I never said you could go anywhere! That's it; you're all going down! -=wields the broomstick that Hilde and Catherine had given the snowman=- Who wants a piece of me now, huhhuhhuh?  
Wufei: -=pulls out a mini-blowtorch and turns the insane pile of crystallized ice into a puddle in half a second=-  
  
/Later on  
we'll conspire  
as we dream by the fire  
to face unafraid  
the plans that we've made.  
Walking in a winter wonderland./  
  
Wufei: Right hand green.  
Trowa: -=places his right hand on the nearest available green space=-  
Wufei: Left foot blue.  
Quatre: -=places his left foot on the nearest available blue space=-  
Wufei: Right foot yellow.  
Heero: -=places his right foot on the nearest available yellow space=-  
Wufei: Left hand red.  
Duo: -=places his left hand on the nearest available red space but falls when he realizes which part of Heero's anatomy that position puts his face near=-  
Fire: Roar. Roar. Roar. [1]  
Duo: -=mind does a swan dive into the gutter, conspiring how they could later end up in that position again=-  
  
/In the meadow we can build a snowman  
and pretend that he's a circus clown.  
We'll have lots of fun with Mister Snowman  
until the alligators knock him down./  
  
Trowa: -=standing in the middle of a pile of snow=- I don't understand why I'm here.  
Quatre: We're making a snow*man*, Trowa. You need to provide the main framework.  
Duo: Ya know, Q, there's really less work involved, but oooookaaay. -=watches as Quatre attempts to mold snow around Trowa's body...eventually succeeding and leaving the Heavyarms pilot's head sticking out=-  
Quatre: -=giggles as he sculpts a clownsuit into the snow=- There!  
Duo: -=scratches head=- Like I said before, Q, oooookaaay.  
Alligators: -=licking lips=- Yum yum!  
Trowa: -=eyes widen=- Eep!  
  
/When it snows  
ain't it thrilling  
though your nose gets a chilling?/  
  
Heero: -=sneezes=-  
Duo: -=sneezes=-  
Quatre: -=sneezes=-  
Trowa: -=sneezes=-  
Wufei: -=sneezes=-  
Relena: -=sneezes=-  
Dorothy: -=sneezes=-  
Catherine: -=sneezes=-  
Hilde: -=sneezes=-  
Emily: -=laughs=-  
  
/We'll frolic and play  
the Eskimo way./  
  
Heero: -=makes a snow angel, gets up, looks at it, and starts modifying it to look like Wing ZERO Custom=-  
Duo: -=makes a snow angel, gets up, looks at it, and starts modifying it to look like Deathscythe Hell Custom=-  
Trowa: -=makes a snow angel, gets up, looks at it, and starts modifying it to look like Quatre, but realizes that there was no way he could successfully accomplish that=-  
Quatre: -=cuddled in a pack of huskies because there is no way in hell he's going to roll around in the cold snow=-  
Wufei: -=makes a snow angel, gets up, looks at it, and starts modifying it to look like Nataku=-  
Relena: -=gets sick of everything looking so *white* so she gets some pink lemonade flavored Kool Aid and starts dying the surrounding snow pink=-  
Duo: -=wonders if throwing up in the snow would enhance the nauseating pink=-  
Dorothy: -=starts balling up snow and chucking it at various people=-  
Quatre: Hey, OW! There was *ice* in that one!  
Catherine: -=starts using various neighborhood snowmen as target practice, leaving the neighborhood children unsure over whether they should cry for their snowy friends or applaud at Catherine's knife-throwing finesse=-  
Hilde: -=starts making a little igloo complete with a little kitchen, dining room, bedroom, and bathroom=-  
Emily: -=wonders if the d*mn song is over yet=-  
  
/Walking in a winter wonderland.  
Walking in a winter wonderland.  
Walking in a winter wonderland./  
  
Everyone: -=gets sick of being stuck in a "winter wonderland" so goes online and books next flight to Hawaii and other places that are extremely warm at the end of December=-  
Duo: -=remembers previous conspiracy=- Hey Hee~ro... Whatcha doin'?  
  
*~**~*  
  
Owari  
  
[1] It's a roaring fire. Get it? Get it!? 


End file.
